Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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