Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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