I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
