I CAN MOONWALK!
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
