i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
