cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm too high and old for this...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
