Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
