Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
