My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
There's a naked man in my car right now.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
