Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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