I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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