I'm going to jail i love you
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
