Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
