my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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