I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Barsexuality is the new black.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize