i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
