i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
