Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
im six kinds of drunk right now
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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