Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
