My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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