K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
