Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
