btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
