Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
her facebook's as public as her vagina
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize