I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
