I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Dick very happy bro
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
