so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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