So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
