Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
