Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize