Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
