A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
