I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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