where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
4 words: hood of his car
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
