I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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