Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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