Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
