i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
