Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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