with your own penis?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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