organizing the empties. That sober.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
