Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
