did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
