I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize