i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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