Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
