I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
After last night, I could never be a politician.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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