1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
