We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
