let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize