Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
