i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
