it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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