my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
