I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
