Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize