If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You are a genius and a whore.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
