I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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