there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
