where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
