How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
