This is not my ceiling
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just googled if crying burns calories
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
