He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
