I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
