Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
