literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
