Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
