I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
