It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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