Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
