so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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