Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
