She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize