I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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