Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
