Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
