Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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