i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
