Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
