ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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