Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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