I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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