He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
